Just this last weekend I turned 27.  I know that does not seem old, and really it is not, however in my short lifetime it seems aged.  I am nearing my ten year high school reunion and we are about to have our second child, it seems a mile from when I graduated almost ten years ago.  Every birthday brings with it some retrospection and reflection of where I have been and where I am going, that seems only natural.  As I near 30, the where I am going seems to have more urgency as I look back on what I wanted to do and what I have not accomplished yet to this point.  This certainly wasn’t how I wrote it up, although parts have come together nicely, such as being married and having kids and purchasing a house by 25.  There are still pieces missing, empty feelings of failure and dissatisfaction.  Some of that seems to be a personal complex brewing, but some of it seems to be honest shortcomings.

There is part of me that knows that I should focus more on the things I do have and the amazing blessings I have been given, and I get that.  Also, I am mindful that Christ warns us against planning too far and focusing too much on the future, and I get that.  I just feel as if there is something more I am meant to do or be and can’t see how it all melds together.  Youth I suppose.  I am at a crossroads.  Do I accept the life I am currently living or do I take steps to shake things up and better life for those around me, even if it means some time of discomfort.

I have been looking into going back to school to get a Master’s of Divinity, with the idea to continue through to the Doctorate level and eventually teach at the University level.  Along with that end goal, I would be participating in ministry all along the way.  However, there are several things my family would have to give up along the way.  We would have to downsize our way of living, try to sell our house, move further away from family, and certainly become less financially stable and comfortable.  It would be an entire shift in our lifestyle.  The student loans would pile up beyond belief and be almost impossible to ever pay back, unless Obama passes his new student loan legislation, which you can take that however you would like.  Let’s not forget two young children two and under.  There are so many angles to this that they are overwhelming and it is easy to just stay put and be comfortable or at least more comfortable.

On the other side, should monetary comfort and a simpler life be the main factor?  Should closeness to family be the main factor?  Should fear and doubt be the main factor?  It would seem in all of this that God be the main factor.  Trying to find His answer in all of this has been the hardest part of it all.  There are so many principles and teachings that go both ways that is becomes hard to decipher.  The concept of giving it up for Him sounds wonderful and leading a life in service to Him and working for Him and His Church as my main focus everyday seems amazing.  It would seem to be what we all should do on the surface.  Then I am mindful we all serve different roles and is this my role, is it the role for my wife and our children, is it what we are meant to be doing.  Am I ready?  Will I ever really be ready?  Does the fear of public speaking keep me at bay or do I cope and deal with that as I once did in debate?  I am just laying this out here because I don’t have the answer, prayer is pulling me both ways as well.

There is what my family calls the ‘itch’ and maybe that has come to play.  The need for movement, change and new direction.  As my Dad said though, “Are you meant to scratch it?”…I don’t know.

Let me first preface this by saying I am very legalistic and analytical in nature.  The science behind things and the reasons why I do something are essential for me to make sense of my doing it.  Prayer is one of those funny things that does not fit nicely into the realm of logic.  I am praying to someone who already knows what I am thinking.  It would seem that I am repeating what God already knows.  So why do it?

Being so scientific in nature I struggle often with several issues of faith and the surreal nature of God and our being.  For some reason I have always ‘bought’ into prayer and have rarely questioned its importance in my life.  I guess I have always felt the necessity of its purpose in my life.  For me it was always easy to break down the science or logic behind it.

1. If I don’t communicate with someone closest to me then our relationship fizzles out. It is true with the humans around me and being human it results in my relationship with God.

2. Though God may know what I am thinking, prayer is reflective in helping me find what I am thinking in a manner that is focused on Him.

3. It sets up a discipline of time management for God. Much like Daniel in the Old Testament, it is a constant reminder of where I belong and who I belong too. It makes sure that my purpose does not get lost throughout my day.

4. There is no doubt in my mind that it has improved mine and improves others critical thinking skills in making decisions both large and small. The spirit will aid and guide, but we must be willing to take the time to reflect and lead.

5. Faith grows stronger through obedience, and also we must trust the way the Father has established communication is the best way in which to communicate. The Israelite’s didn’t always understand the reasons why they were doing certain things, but science has shown us through time that many of the commands were established based on health, welfare and spirituality. Prayer brings trust and obedience, and as studies have shown also greater health, longer life and happiness.

Prayer is an essential part of our Christian walk.  It is essential to those who have a faith driven by feeling and emotion and it is also essential to those that are driven by reason and logic.  There is a purpose for prayer in any one’s life.  Find the purpose for prayer.