Here lies a sanctuary

An overly picked buffet

Tossed, torn, thrown about

Ravaged by the hands of man

An innocent solace

A pure light

Wrecked in a justified collision

Seethed in arrogance

Embattled in bitterness

Lost to ignorance

Just this last weekend I turned 27.  I know that does not seem old, and really it is not, however in my short lifetime it seems aged.  I am nearing my ten year high school reunion and we are about to have our second child, it seems a mile from when I graduated almost ten years ago.  Every birthday brings with it some retrospection and reflection of where I have been and where I am going, that seems only natural.  As I near 30, the where I am going seems to have more urgency as I look back on what I wanted to do and what I have not accomplished yet to this point.  This certainly wasn’t how I wrote it up, although parts have come together nicely, such as being married and having kids and purchasing a house by 25.  There are still pieces missing, empty feelings of failure and dissatisfaction.  Some of that seems to be a personal complex brewing, but some of it seems to be honest shortcomings.

There is part of me that knows that I should focus more on the things I do have and the amazing blessings I have been given, and I get that.  Also, I am mindful that Christ warns us against planning too far and focusing too much on the future, and I get that.  I just feel as if there is something more I am meant to do or be and can’t see how it all melds together.  Youth I suppose.  I am at a crossroads.  Do I accept the life I am currently living or do I take steps to shake things up and better life for those around me, even if it means some time of discomfort.

I have been looking into going back to school to get a Master’s of Divinity, with the idea to continue through to the Doctorate level and eventually teach at the University level.  Along with that end goal, I would be participating in ministry all along the way.  However, there are several things my family would have to give up along the way.  We would have to downsize our way of living, try to sell our house, move further away from family, and certainly become less financially stable and comfortable.  It would be an entire shift in our lifestyle.  The student loans would pile up beyond belief and be almost impossible to ever pay back, unless Obama passes his new student loan legislation, which you can take that however you would like.  Let’s not forget two young children two and under.  There are so many angles to this that they are overwhelming and it is easy to just stay put and be comfortable or at least more comfortable.

On the other side, should monetary comfort and a simpler life be the main factor?  Should closeness to family be the main factor?  Should fear and doubt be the main factor?  It would seem in all of this that God be the main factor.  Trying to find His answer in all of this has been the hardest part of it all.  There are so many principles and teachings that go both ways that is becomes hard to decipher.  The concept of giving it up for Him sounds wonderful and leading a life in service to Him and working for Him and His Church as my main focus everyday seems amazing.  It would seem to be what we all should do on the surface.  Then I am mindful we all serve different roles and is this my role, is it the role for my wife and our children, is it what we are meant to be doing.  Am I ready?  Will I ever really be ready?  Does the fear of public speaking keep me at bay or do I cope and deal with that as I once did in debate?  I am just laying this out here because I don’t have the answer, prayer is pulling me both ways as well.

There is what my family calls the ‘itch’ and maybe that has come to play.  The need for movement, change and new direction.  As my Dad said though, “Are you meant to scratch it?”…I don’t know.

Careening through this gentle journey
The calming water guiding us home
Progressing forward without warning
Unaware of the coming doom

Light gives way to enclosing darkness
The waves bellow as they batter our vessel
Sudden terror encapsulates our consciousness
All will be lost if this storm prevails

Shaken and shattered we seek shelter
Shelter that can bring solace to the storm
Bruised, we reach out our trembling hands
Extended beyond the broken frame that we now reside

Will there be relief?
Will there be rescue?
Will there be recovery?
Will there be restitution?

The storm continues to ravage our lives
We wait; we listen for a voice of hope
Where will he lead us?
What is his plan?

Resting in reliance to his reward
Torn, tumultuously down in humility and grief
There seems no other answer
No other escape, but to the Lord

Distance separates us from embrace
Emptiness eludes us joining hands
The gap too vast to fill so quickly
Our turn, coming seemingly too late

Lord, guide and rescue our vessel
Keep watch and care over our journey
Give us grace and mercy, though undeserved
Return us to your secure resting place

This journey can only continue with your guidance
Our reliance can only be placed in you
Forgive our wandering, inattentive hearts
Lord, rescue us from this looming turmoil

You will be our light in this darkness
You will be our saving grace
You will be our calming water
You will be our savior

I find it overly humorous and equally frustrating that both the rooted traditionalists and the progressive brethren in the churches are fearful and seem to have a disposition towards the Restoration Movement and the very mention of such movement.  I find in humor this common thread that does bind them together though they pull the church apart with their bickering.

Maybe it is the simplicity surrounding the movement, or maybe it is the consent and complacency to be at heart a denomination, I am unsure.  After all if their goal was to be simply Christian than what would they have to fear from each other, or to work with one another?  Or maybe, the movement calls out their baseless traditions and at the same time preaches simplicity and a common base that ruffles progressives who wish to extend their musical passions.

No matter the reason, unity suffers.  No matter the reason, the church suffers.  No matter the reason, Christ suffers.  So whether you need to lay your traditions at Jesus feet, or whether you need to lay your personal preferences at Jesus feet, until they are laid down neither is fully focused on the vision of Christ.  Let’s turn our focus to Christ, not our worship styles, our traditions, our in-fighting, even if we differ there is no excuse for not being able to be civilized and truly work towards Christ’s goal to be one in Christ.

Are we really one if we acknowledge we co-exist, but really never break bread together.  Whether you have a praise team, or you whole heartedly are against praise teams, whether you have a Christmas Play or you don’t have a Christmas Play….does this really mean you can’t talk to one another, that you can’t eat a meal together, does it even me you can’t worship together.  We disagree with those that live their lives in sin everyday, yet we are able to civilize ourselves to talk to them, why then can’t we find the time or means to talk to our fellow brothers?

As someone that has grown up in the “Church of Christ” I was taught and received an education in the Bible that by all accounts was amazing.  Lots of credit to my mom, dad and Bible Bowl.  I also have studied the Restoration Movement and understand what the goals and reasons for restoration were and how the “Church of Christ” came to be.  I believe earnestly in those goals and appeals and think there was a reason that they yielded such an important movement in Christianity.    But, do we care anymore?  Do you care how the churches around your region are doing?  Are you rooting for or against them?  Are they the joke in the room, or the dirty step child?  At least liberal and conservative churches do have something in common,  they equally isolate and criticize.

I have seen and heard, as I am sure you have, of individual quarrels that cross decades being a hindrence between neighboring congregations.  The obvious Biblical contradictions to this behaviour are infinite.  We are quick to label this church this and this church that.  Do we care about the Biblical principles we read and take seriously their action?

I write this, not simply to heap on criticism but to call on those that read this, though that stretch is not far, to shift direction.  Be more open, be more concerned, reach out, don’t focus on the differences but rather hone in on the focus of Christ.  No one wants to share in our civil wars or bickering, it brings no one to Christ and certainly does not give them an example of Christ in our lives or that of our Church.  There are reasons we no longer grow and it has nothing to do with this or that it has to do with our example of Christ.

Gathering of localities and churches started this movement and revivals allowed the simplicity of being a follower of Christ to show through.  We have mucked it up with our own traditionalism, progression, ego’s etc.  We must now turn around and restore what has always been there, Christ’s Church.

Undeserving grace abounds
Lost in understanding mercy
I struggle to find peace
Forever indebted

A gift or a curse
I cannot repay my debt
It follows me
Forever stained

Absolution defies logic
Blamelessness irrational
Forgiveness even questionable
Forever unimaginable

Will you rescue me?
There seems no reason
My actions are repulsive
Forever repeated

Where is my condemnation?
Where is my justice?
I deserve no less
Forever guilty

Your offer is hard to believe
Your offer is hard to refuse
Forever living
Forever free